In the middle of the night last night, or at least some point last night I have decided I am not a pro-active person.   Whether I have always been this way, or this is a new development is uncertain but one thing is clear, I tend to be a person that evaluates the surroundings and let things come my way before I take action.   I have been searching for the basis of some items I see that affect my ability to run a business as ineffectively.   After careful thought, this may not be the be all and end all of my problems, but it definitely rises to the top.

So in my new found quest to…(hold up I need to segue real fast).

This sentence was interrupted by a major factor to my anxiety.  My wife.  I am not sure if I am a catalyst or I am married to someone that doesn’t quite match with me in the emotional department but I am simply not cut out to be a nurturer.  Probably directly correlated with my inability to hold my company’s hand through every detail and decision is my disdain to do so with my wife.   Is it my proclaimed “command and control” leadership style?   I never sought to be this style but apparently that is what I am.    A separate transition that I think serves a major point of anxiety is that I have zero alone time.   That’s right zero.  The only time I can ever get any remote time alone is if I go to the office at night.  I have to go to work to be alone.  Is that sad or what?  That can’t be healthy.  Literally I have probably spent lest than 72 cumulative hours in the last 4 years alone in my house.   I am going to work on this one as I am definitely a person that needs personal space.  I shouldn’t let this eat me up in the short term, I just need to find a way to create some space for myself.  Now, let me get back to my original subject.

So in my new found quest to become a better person and a major consideration of this very blog to begin with is to study, research, and analyze all that is me and all that I wish to change.   With that being said I researched the topic of “proactivity” and the different phrases associated with it.  As usual the BS and salesmanship rises to the top, but the overriding theme of all of the information I have found isn’t about the analysis of proactivity.  It mostly seems to suggest that proactive and reactive is the difference between success and lack thereof.  To some extent that can be true but I don’t think its a given statement.

I believe in the suggestion that most successful people create their own situations and opportunities.   It is absolutely essential to me that I begin to live my life and engage in the environment around me in a manner that is conducive to being the person that I want to be.  This is not a selfish act (well it technically is but I believe in a certain amount of self preservation) in that I am 100% not the type of person that will throw others under the bus for my own benefit.    Honestly my ability to create the opportunities around me and be a “proactive” person will provide a direct benefit to about 99% of those around me.  There is value in some aspects of being reactive but the bottom line is that I have a lot to improve in this department.   I think this is where I will start in global traits rather than focusing on specific skill sets.  After all I have gotten this far with but I think there will be an end to it as being reactive is a survival mode and being proactive is success mode.   Its kind of like in a video game when things get dire, one quits attacking and simply focuses on defending until there is nothing left to defend.  I have a lot to learn in how to make this endeavor most effective but again I think this is where I am going to start.   Wish me luck.